我的快乐就是大家的快乐.
Mike walked up to his teacher's desk, holding a report card with a big red F. "If I were you," said Mike, "I would change this while you still can." "Why is that?" asked the teachers. "Because my daddy told me that if I brought home one more failing report card, someone was going to get a beating."
A watermelon farmer was determined to scare off the local kids who went into his watermelon patch every night to eat their fill. After some thought, he made a sign that read, " WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS HAS BEEN INJECTED WITH CYANIDE!" He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. A week later, the farmer was surveying his field. To his satisfaction, no watermelons were missing, but a sign next to his read, " NOW THERE ARE TWO!"
Which animal keeps the best time?
A watch dog.
Who are the longest speakers?
Prisoners -- they can spend a lifetime on a single sentence.
Where can you find an ocean without water?
On a map.
What kind of clothing does a house wear?
Address.
Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?
All of them.
Why shouldn't you wear snow boots?
Because they'll melt.
Why do doctors have to keep their tempers?
Because they don't want to lose their patients.
Patient: Please Doctor, you must help me, I think I'm losing my memory.
Doctor: Is that so! For how long have you had this problem?
Patient: What problem?
A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.
"$50 for three questions", replied the lawyer."Isn't that awfully steep?"
Yes," the lawyer said, " and what was your third question?"
Why are movie stars cool?
Because they have so many fans.
Why do we dress baby boys in blue and baby girls in pink?
Because they can't dress themselves.
Father: How were your test scores, Son?
Son: Underwater, Dad.
Father: What do you mean underwater?
Son: You know, below C level.
Why are people who live on a hill never trustworthy?
Because they're not on the level.
How do you find a lost rabbit?
Make a noise like a carrot.
