我便败了：
Katsuragi Misato: the aforementioned drunk-ass Major. Her brilliant battlefield tactics are powered by beer; the more beer she drinks, the stupider her plans become, and therefore the more likely they are to succeed according to the Laws of Anime Physics. Her hobbies include drinking, having drunken one-night stands with total strangers, having drunken one-night stands with friends, and molesting boys half her age.
Ayanami Rei: the aforementioned amazingly hot blue-haired girl with superpowers. She has superpowers because she is the spawn of Steve Ballmer, who will fucking bury you, and because she is mother of all the Angels, a fact proven by her amazing hotness and her creepy red Eyes that fire Eye Beams. These superpowers include indestructibility, flight, turning into a Giant Naked Thing and Eye Beams because she will fucking kill you, just like Steve Ballmer. She absolutely never disobeys orders unless she feels like it or unless she will fucking bury that guy. She is in love with Shinji for reasons incomprehensible to our feeble mortal minds. Her hobbies include reading, staring out the window, staring at the wall, staring into space, boring people to death, and walking around naked for no reason.
Asuka Langley Soryu: the aforementioned annoying, vile and hypersexualized German bitch who deserves to be spanked until her ass is the same shade of red as her hair. Her mother's father was the love child of Adolf Hitler and the female Anti-Christ. She was created in a lab in an attempt to put the soul of Satan himself into a human body, and was then trained by the Nazi shadow government to be a ninja assassin. She is psychotic, psychopathic, clinically insane, constantly in a state of PMS, only attracted to men at least twice her age, and prone to randomly flipping out and trying to fucking kill people. Unless she's having a bad day, in which case she becomes far worse. This makes her ideally suited for piloting a giant robot capable of destroying the world. It is believed by some that she is in fact an older Pippi Longstockings using a pseudonym.
