下面一口气打完了。
Geography
Sydney was founded by convicts, disgraced con artists, smooth talkers, standover men, and the coldhearted aristocratic bastards who oversaw them. Melbourne was developed by uptight Puritans who wanted a good return on their investment. Hence the fact that all the CBD's streets are at perfect right angles. If that city was any more anally retentive, they wouldn't need a sewer system.
And, of course, there's the weather. Two key facts to remember: one, Melbourne isn't called Bleak City for nothing; two, climate has a strong effect on your state of mind. In other words, Sydney in summer makes you glad to be alive, while Melbourne year-round makes you want to open a vein.
Nightlife
Victoria's liquor laws are more liberal than ours, and this allegedly means that Melbourne is OVER-FLOWING with 'quirky' bars where 'funky' peopel meet to drink 'funky' drinks and talk about their 'quirky' film projects. If that kind of pseudo-Bohemian rubbish appeals to you, then you'll probably be well satisfied.
But it comes at a price, Sport. The bars down there serve beer in 'pots', which means: middy-sized glasses at schooner-sized prices. Cheers!
Major Events
The Melbourne media are obsessed with proving that their city's better than ours. They usually focus on how many big events Melbourne will be hosting in the next few years. Really important, respected, major events - as opposed to, oh I don't know, the OLYMPICS.
So what is Melbourne so happy about? A few car races and the Queen musical. Excuse me while I wet my pants with jealousy.
Lifestyle
The whole cit clings to the bottom of Australia like a turd that someone's forgotten to wipe. St Kilda is exactly like it's portrayed in The Secret Life of Us, except for the fact that in real life it rains all the time. In other words, it's a suburb full of Johnny Know-nothings who spend all their time talking about themselves. As though the inmates from Big Brother 3 had taken over an entire suburb.
Arts
Apparently Melbourne is the centre of everything cultural. They've produced creative giants such as Barry Humphries (a drag artist with pretentions), Stelarc ( a tiresome Robocop-wannabe) and Fred Schepisi (who abandoned Melbourne for Hollywood as soon as he was legally able). Personally I've got no time for the so-called creative arts. Anyone who values a city for its cultural activites deserves to be held up to remorseless public ridicule, insult, and molestation.
Transport
The trams are nice. Conceded. But once the novelty wears off, you realise they're just an upsized version of the kid's choo-choo train ride at Bronte Park. Without the view.
Conclusion
Sydney is the finest place to live in the world. If you don't love it, then you don't deserve to be here. Get the fxxk out of my city.
The Three Good Things About Melbourne
1. The Late Show came from there.
2. The trams.
3. It's only a 976km trip back to Sydney.
